IntelliMen Challenge #45
Men. Intelligent. ™
Challenge: Learn to control your anger and use it to your advantage.
Explanation: I once saw a movie where an ex-inmate was talking to a young man starting out in crime. “Ten seconds. Because I couldn’t wait ten seconds for my anger to subside, I spent 20 years in prison.” He then told the story of how, in a burst of rage, he killed a man in a restaurant because he had messed around with his girlfriend.
Every single day men do dumb things out of anger. This affects men more than women. Women will cry while men will become violent. Of course, other reactions can occur in a moment of anger, one of which is bottling up your anger, which is no better.
One of the most important things to remember about anger is that it is a sign. Just like pain in your body is a sign that something is wrong and needs attention, anger is a sign that something went against your expectations or your standard of what is right and proper. Anger is simply a messenger. It’s your job to understand the message and act on it accordingly.
For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic an immediate sense of anger is normal, since the other driver was irresponsible and almost caused an accident. But you go by your feelings you’ll probably pay him back in kind, or worse, by cutting him off. The answer would be to understand the message that your anger is sending you. What could the message be? It could be: “Pay attention! All kinds of people are behind the wheel. Don’t take anything for granted. Be a defensive driver.”
If your wife spent more money than you would have liked, your anger may be saying: “You need to sit down and discuss your financial goals and agree on a budget.” Arguing with your wife won’t solve a thing.
Understanding the message that anger is sending you is only wise. Look at what God says about this:
Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool. (Ecclesiastes 7:9)
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. (James 1:19)
Your challenge this week, and for the rest of your lives, will be to learn to control your anger and identify the message it is sending you. Once you identify the message, act on it in positive way. A true IntelliMan masters anger, he is not a slave to it.
Notebook: Think of a recent anger episode. What upset you? What was the message behind your anger? What did you do about it? Could you have handled it better? Write down your thoughts.
Official Partner: Talk about how you have dealt with anger in the past and how you will start to deal with it differently.
Deadline: You may begin this challenge immediately and conclude it before Challenge #46 which you can begin in a week.
IntelliMen Challenge #45 done: I learned to control my anger and use it to my advantage. (Add any other comment or experience.)
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☐ I learned to dominate and understand my anger
☐ I wrote in my Notebook
☐ I spoke to my Partner about the challenge
☐ I posted my comments on Facebook/Twitter
Anger is a moment of madness. – Horatio