My name is Rita and I am in my 20’s. My family first came to the UCKG when I was six years old; we were set free and gave our lives to God. My mother was raised up to be an assistant, and eventually so was I.
As a teenager I met an assistant pastor and discovered we had a mutual attraction for each other. After a year and three months, we got engaged. I was sure that he was from God. I did not pay attention to the details, and the thought of “testing” him seemed like nonsense. I ignored the fact that he was irritable, proud and frequently disagreed with the church leadership.
One day he was reprimanded and disciplined because of his pride. He felt he had been treated “unfairly”, was filled with hurt feelings and left the Work of God. People tried to warn me. A pastor told me that his attitude was not that of a man of God. I listened quietly, but within there was a growing anger. I declared that I would stay with him, and not abandon him. I remember a pastor’s wife telling me, “Rita, the devil wants to grab a hold of you”. I did not listen; instead I became even angrier.
He moved in with his parents since we had no money to get married. We grew cold in faith, I quit being an assistant, rarely went to church and our relationship got more and more physical. My family ended up leaving the church… we were all lost. He said we needed to get married as soon as possible, that it was now or never. Against my will and my family’s, we got married. That was supposed to be the most beautiful day of my life, but instead it was horrible. No church, no wedding dress and lots of sadness, because shortly before that day I had slept with him.
There was no honeymoon. We went to live in a rented house. Within the first few months we were already in debt, our names were blacklisted and there was no money, since he was so unorganized with our finances. We fought a lot; I was always sad; I wanted a divorce. In an attempt at happiness, we started going to nightclubs, and I know that if I had died then, I would now be in hell. To use Bishop’s term, I accepted “Judas’s kiss”, and went through hell all because of emotion. Then I remembered the words: “Rita, the devil wants to grab a hold of you.” He had grabbed me, my family and my salvation.
That’s when I started to follow your blog again. I was angry at the church, but felt peace when I read your blog posts. I read them every day, listened to the podcasts and it broke my heart. At first I started attending church simply to bring my tithe. I remember the pastor saying, “Young lady, faith comes by hearing the Word.” My husband was getting worse, my life had no meaning, and so I decided to come back.
One night I got on my knees and cried out to God asking Him to bless everyone I had a grudge against. I mentioned them name-by-name, my heart ached and felt like it was about to burst, but I forgave them. Then I had my second encounter with the precious Holy Spirit and a heavy weight was lifted from me. From that moment on, God gave me the peace and wisdom to deal with every one of my problems. My husband started coming with me to church. A few months later he started praying again, turned his back on his bad friends and became serious in his faith.
Today I am an assistant again. My family is going to the church and I already see a big change in my mother. I work two shifts to help with the expenses. My marriage has changed a lot, but my fight to see changes in my husband has not been easy. I want him to be more responsible, to be calm and to give me a sense of security. He is at his third job in five months and I still cannot trust him with money, but I believe that God will transform him.
The moral of my story for assistants is this: DO NOT FOLLOW THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART, for the sake of your own salvation. I am saved today only by God’s mercy. Please, assistants, do not be deceived by well-mannered, handsome, sweet talking assistant pastors. And you who are dating or engaged, examine absolutely everything, test him, and do not be fooled by an appearance of holiness.
I could have avoided all this suffering if I had only been more rational, if I had listened to the voice of God and ignored my heart. I put my salvation, and that of my family, at risk, because they got hurt.
I ask God to have mercy on me, because I do not want my hands to be stained with blood. This is so serious. What I went through was unnecessary. Please do not do what I did, I am saved again, but I know many others who did not make it back, that are still out in the world, and still others who actually died.
Mrs. Cristiane, I thank you for your blog posts, if God had not used you, I probably would not be here writing you this email.