We have been receiving many emails from husbands who are disappointed with their respective wives. According to them, when they were unbelievers, they were much more women than after their conversion. It is as if the new birth had made them ‘die down’ sexually.
There are even some who complain that their conjugal act has become less frequent than before. I am sure the devil adores this situation, because there is nothing more harmful to a marriage than failure to come together in bed.
By personal experience I can confirm that the future of a happy marriage is in bed. The couple can be full of the Holy Spirit, but if they don’t have an active sexual life, it will be difficult for them to be faithful to one another!
Within a marriage, the conjugal act is what daily food is to a physical body. And, it’s no use trying to contradict this human nature! Sexual appetite is like an appetite for food; both are part of the human body, which God Himself created! Of course, there are certain exceptions, as in the case of eunuchs… but, as a general rule, there is no way you can avoid it or pretend you don’t have it!
I know that in the evangelical community, there is a tremendous hypocrisy towards this subject. Many colleagues of other denominations consider the conjugal act to be something carnal and even demonic, as if sex were created in hell. This ignorance has been so spread to converts to a point that many are putting aside their obligations towards their respective husbands or wives.
If the conjugal act is so carnal or demonic, then my wife and I are carnal and we need deliverance! Furthermore, I confess that the more we relate sexually, the closer we become and the more we depend on one another!
The truth is, the lack of using their faith with intelligence has made the majority of Christians fail in their own family lives. Just this other day someone wrote me saying:
I am married for 23 years, I love my wife and I feel good around her all the time. I find her very attractive sexually and I don’t feel repulsed by her or lack desire for her. But, I have to admit that my sexual life isn’t that satisfying. While I feel like having sex 2 to 3 times a week, my wife is satisfied with having sex just once a month!!! If I make more advances on her than that, she, after many excuses that we already know of, gives in, but with total disinterest.
My wife is a blessed assistant, full of many virtues that only a person of God possesses… She thinks that sex is something bad and dirty before God. This has made our relationship a true disaster, because I am always dissatisfied and I can’t hide it.
This upsets me a lot, because as we have learned, we should not miss the things we used to do when we were in the world, but I miss (I really miss a lot) the sexual life we had before we converted. Not to mention the fact that I am always dissatisfied, which leads me many times to desire other women, even knowing that this is wrong…
I keep asking myself what advice this assistant would give to another wife who comes to talk to her in a similar situation as her own husband’s. If this wife wanted to have more sex and her husband didn’t…
The Apostle Paul gave clear advice concerning this matter, when he said:
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7.3-5).
The Lord, through Solomon, teaches the following regarding the act of marriage between a husband and his wife; after urging His son to obey His Word and warning him against the adulterous woman, He says:
“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?” (Proverbs 5.15-20).
Note that the water symbolises the conjugal act here; the cistern and running water from the well symbolise the wife. “Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.” This means that if he doesn’t give attention to her… another will!
“May your fountain be blessed…” “May her breasts satisfy you always…” “May you ever be captivated by her love.” These are profoundly strong terms of expressing the sexual act between married couples.
Being ‘captivated’ by love calls attention a lot!!!
And, what do you have to say about that? What about you cruel assistant, what do you have to say about these words of the Bible?
Will your bed continue divided, giving chance to the devil to tempt your husband? Know that if he falls into temptation, you will be conniving!
May God open the eyes of all, in Jesus’ Name. Amen.