There are so many myths and lies in the world of relationships that it’s no wonder people have suffered so much in this area. One of these myths is the idea of the “right person.”

“Why are you still single?”

“I haven’t found the right person yet.”

Ring a bell?

The idea that there is only one right person in the world which perfectly fits with another is the reason why many people are still single, while others are unhappy in their marriage.

Single people dream of the person that will fulfill all the requirements on the list they idealized.

Married people fight a battle against their doubts, which question if they married the right person. After all, they have so many problems.

This idea, however, is not plausible mathematically, logically, or spiritually.

Mathematically the numbers don’t add up. Statistics show that there are more single women than men. If we were to compare the number of single men to single women in the world, presuming that your perfect match is somewhere out there, someone’s going to be alone, like in musical chairs.

Logically it doesn’t make any sense. If a newlywed wife loses her husband in an accident and becomes a widow, does that mean that now there’s no point in her looking for anyone else to marry because the “right person,” the only one who could make her happy, died?

Spiritually there’s no biblical basis to this. If Eve was the “right person” for Adam then God made a mistake. It’s interesting that when God created woman, he described her as a “helper suitable to him.”

When the apostle Paul mentioned if a Christian woman becomes a widow, he said “she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:39) That is to say, not only does she get a second chance but she is also free and responsible to make her own choice — as long as the person is of the same faith. So where does that idea that there is only one right person in the world, and the fantasy that God is the one who chooses the person we’re going to marry come from?

The truth is that we’re responsible for our choices. God gave us intelligence to identify who is compatible and who is not. And He institutes rules to produce a happy relationship. Break them, and there isn’t a “right” person in the world that will make you happy. The key to a happy marriage is not to find the right person; it’s to do the right things.

Do the right things to find a person who is compatible with you.

  • Expand your circle of friends
  • Choose with your head and not your heart
  • Allow yourself to begin a friendship
  • If things go well, begin to date with the intention of getting to know the person better (not to go to bed with them)
  • If when you get to know everything about the person and see living with them for the rest of your life would not work, nip the relationship in the bud, with no remorse.
  • If you see the fundamental qualities you need, then move forward to the engagement and then marriage

It is not magic, luck or a miracle. It is an act of intelligence.


P.S Of course, if you already read Bullet-Proof marriage, you already know this.


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11 Responses to “In search of the right person”

  1. Ncumisa Kwaiman 3 years ago

    Thank you Bishop..very strong message and my eyes are opened now, i will put on pratice averything i learned here!

  2. mbulelo Elliot. Sitakini 3 years ago

    Bp what I read open my mind,I olso use to say to people who are single wait for a right partner to come to you,but now I can see that he or she will until tha sunset. Thank Bishop now iknow wht 2 say.

  3. Ana Santos - Dublin, Irlanda 3 years ago

    Hi Bishop Renato, I learned first of all to depend on God, not doing the things the way I wanted. Second I learned that I needed to be the right person in order to have the right person also for me. And I am obeying God every day in order to have a blessed Married because God is the top of the pyramid, the more we are closer to Him the more me and my husband are united. Thank you very much for this post. God bless you.

  4. Genalyn 3 years ago

    It is all true that doing the right things will result to a better outcome . Searching is not choose and choose then select the best one, it is knowing yourself, also what are the qualities you have to be compatible with the person. Otherwise, you are turning in circle only.

  5. koonal Ramtohul (Ireland) 3 years ago

    hello Bishop,very good this message,if we wait for the dream women or the dream man,we will be waiting all our life ,every time we will say it’s not this one i wait a little more,and then time is flying ,we should date the person,to know them better and ask God every time to guide us,thank you

  6. Siomara Dos Santos - Ireland 3 years ago

    Is so clear to understand and so true!! I confess I have used this expression the “right person” but now I know is not a magic but a process!!

    God bless!

  7. Duduzile Mhlanga 3 years ago

    Dear Bishop ,I would like to say thank for clarifying certain issues and doubt in regard to our love life. its always been in my mind that God will send the right person to cause this does not mean I have to be desperate in search to find the the person compatible to live with for the rest of my life.but I must have an open mind with my choices, not to allow my heart to lead me but to reason with my head,I must say I once had an experience that help me to recap to what you said above Bishop and it is more clear to me now on wards .
    Thank you
    God bless

  8. ike moeng 3 years ago

    Thanks Bishop,its important that we involve God when looking for a partner and after finding one.We have to develop great personalities to attract people with the same quality….

  9. Ashanta 3 years ago

    Thanks for sharing… I couldn’t agree more…

  10. Thank you, bishop. This message sheds clear light and its easy to make the right decision towards my love life

  11. Kanisha 3 years ago

    There isn’t a perfect match that is not true that is fantasies, when you and your partner has the same faith and you use your intelligence to pick the right person if You guys are both trying to please GOD then he/she should be the right one but never the perfect match you have to ask GOD to give you the right direction in your sentimental life . Whatever is his will, will follow through