Vanity and insecurity, the twin sisters - Cristiane Cardoso - English | Cristiane Cardoso - English

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vanity

Since I was a child, I’ve always been a little vain. I liked to wear accessories, have new clothes and tidy up my wardrobe. Until I got into my teenage years, when we moved abroad, and there I felt like a complete alien for not dressing like the other girls. It was then that at the age of twelve I began to use make-up, to shave my legs, and to get better acquainted with fashion. I remember feeling inferior to the other girls in school, because they always wore new clothes, and I was always wearing the same old clothes. It was during this time that I began to become extremely vain. I began using my mother’s clothes to pretend I had new clothes and not have the wear the same clothes every week.

When I returned to live in Brazil, I was already a young 16- year-old woman and had my own style. But that didn’t last long. When I got married, I had a very misguided idea that now I would have to stop dressing youthful and instead dress like an older woman, lol…  I traded this modern Cris for an old fashioned Cris! I stayed this way until about 7 years of marriage, when I began to feel so insecure with myself (due to problems in my marriage) and started buying clothes to feel better. I would buy clothes, shoes, accessories, and would constantly change my haircut. At the time, I thought this was who I was, intrepid, always wanting to be different (<- poor thing, that was so not it!).

I became vain once again, with my own style. My friends would admire me and would end up dressing like me, what would make me even vainer… But as much as they told me that I was beautiful, I would still feel insecure about myself. I would get jealous seeing Renato speak to other women, I had a feeling I was inferior to them for some reason… and there I’d go again, buy an outfit to feel better.

It’s interesting that I was vain and insecure at the same time. How can it be?

Yeah, what I didn’t know was that the two walked together, vanity and insecurity are twin sisters. 🙁

Let’s see what the dictionary says regarding vanity:

Vanity (also called pried, ostentation, presumption, futility, something worthless, pride or self-love) is the desire to attract the admiration of other people. A vain person creates a personal image to transmit to other, with the objective of being admired and envied.

In other words… If you need to attract the attention of other people and create a personal image to pass onto others with the intent of being admired and envied, it’s because you are so insecure about yourself that you need the opinion of others to feel good!

Contrary to what I thought, that vanity was part of my profile as a woman, it was actually of an insecure person, which needed the attention of others. Even though I had the Holy Spirit, I still had this evil in a deep part of my being, not because He didn’t want to remove it, but because I didn’t see it as something so evil…

As long as we don’t see vanity as something bad, associated with insecurity, and like the dictionary said above, pride and futility, we’re going to be tolerating it in our lives, not allowing the Holy Spirit to have access in our day to day… as if we had a little corner in us He could not touch. #sad

Ah Cris, I’m not like this… I was never vain!

Yeah, and that’s where you’re wrong! Vanity is not just associated with our appearance… I wish! Unfortunately, it’s associated with almost everything in this life. 🙁

  • When you have to have a degree to show others
  • When you have to show how “happy” you are on social networks.
  • When you have to wear a certain size of clothing, if not get ready for diet and starvation!
  • When you have to know about everything that’s going on to show others how intelligent you are
  • When you have to be in a relationship to show others you’re with someone
  • When you have to use a brand that everyone knows

And the list goes on…

As Solomon would say:

““Vanity of vanities,” says the Preacher “vanity of vanities, all is vanity…  All matters are wearisome; a man is not able to speak to them. The eye is not satisfied with what it sees, and the ear is not content with what it hears. What has been is the same as what will be, and what has been done is the same as what will be done; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there a matter where it is said, “See, this is truly new”? Long ago in the past every matter has already been in our midst. There is not a memory for the former things, and moreover, there will not be a memory for the things coming after, even those things that are yet to come.” Ecclesiastes 1:2-11

Solomon was the wisest man on earth, but he had to recognize that even his wisdom had a certain vanity…

“For in an abundance of wisdom is an abundance of frustration, and he who increases in knowledge also increases in sorrow.” Ecclesiastes 1:18

If our eyes don’t get tired of seeing, our mind doesn’t get tired of knowing, if we don’t get tired of having more, what shall we do?

That is why the Fast of Daniel is so important… We are literally doing a detox of our vanities. We don’t see anything, hear anything, buy anything, and follow anyone. Let’s take advantage of it to get rid of the vanities that we think make part of our lives!

Women, accept your age, accept your body, accept your physical “defects”, accept that little piece of fat you say cannot be part of a woman’s body – it does make part of it, just see, look how persistent they are, lol!

From the day we accept who we are and what we have, we will be sure of ourselves and no one will be able to make us feel inferior! We will invest more in our interior, and this way, call the attention of the One who really matters!

In faith.

Collaborated: Cristiane Cardoso

Leave your comment on this post

  • Magdelina Chuol

    Hi Mrs Cristiane. Sometimes I ask myself how you can understand us women so well( this is the Holy Spirit) honestly. This post was so interesting and a blessing. Thank you again for all you do, I read but don’t comment much.

  • Thandiwe Sidumo

    Good day Mrs Cris.
    I never realised that vanity and insecurities walk together until now, but as I read this post now, I remember something, many times whenever I feel like I need a change, something better in my life, looking at the reasons, deep down is the insecurity.. Come to think of a clear example, I need a new an better phone because the but and name that I have is not that ‘ wow ..

    Thank you for making a clear explanation.